Tuesday, March 30, 2010


My mini marathon race is in 12 days and I'm stuck at home with the flu and have been since Saturday. Seriously!?! I was looking forward to this being a great race for me and now I'm going to be lucky to have the energy to even complete it. I'm on day four of a 100+ fever...at least its not 102 any more. That's extremely high for me because I'm normally at a 97.2. I had to miss one of the biggest games for my team tonight...it killed me having to listen to it on the radio. Number 2 team in the state beat us 10-2 (those are the first runs scored on them all year). We will get our chance at them in a few weeks with hopefully our entire team healthy. The bug I have is going around the whole team...I think it's just about got every single one of them! Well back to bed for me.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I did it...

I finally let it all out...my husband and I have fought over things for a long time and like I said in my last post I don't know why I've put up with a lot of the things I have with him...he knows how unhappy I've been...I finally let it all out and laid it on the line for him yesterday...at first he tried to say he had no idea how unhappy I was that he must have been blind to it the entire time...now he's finally admitting everything he's done and how he knew the things he's done to me were wrong and he knows how many chances I've given him...with everything he admitted to me I can't believe he still wants me to give him another chance...my heart is just not in it...I never thought I'd be in this situation that I am...

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Life Decisions

Ok so I've been away for a little while. I've been really thinking seriously about where I am in my life and how happy I am. Did I rush into getting married? Why do I put up with stuff from him that I've never put up with before? I'm the type of girl that needs the little things to know he cares. Time and time again we've discussed this but all I get is "you know I'm not like that." Or if I'm crying he chooses not to deal with it and just ignore the situation. We have trust issues...he's still in communication with his ex and does it behind my back and considered meeting up with her while home on leave while I was at work. This isn't the only time we've had an issue with other women. We even broke up for a little while right before we got engaged. I should have known then. Another key indicator was our wedding night...we got into a huge fight and slept on opposite sides of the king size hotel bed.

I know I can't make any decisions right now especially because he haven't lived together more than 30 days. But in those 30 days I've been ready for him to leave...

Give me the strength to make the right decisions to make myself happy above all else...

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The hits keep on coming

I've seen my dad cry twice in my life...once when my brother died and today. Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. My dad lost both of his parents within 6 weeks of each other and then today one of the dogs we've had for 15+ years died. Well they say bad things happen in threes so hopefully this was number three and nothing else is going to happen.

I did my long run of the week...a 10 miler. I knew right away it wasn't going to be a good one. I barely slept last night and I woke up with major back and hamstring pain. On top of that it was sprinkling with threats of hard rain. It turned out to be half way ok except for the back pain. 4 weeks until my Mini Marathon...hoping to make some improvement in my pace in these last 4 weeks.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Stress, Fever Blisters and Teenage Girls

My mom had the nerve to say to me the other day, "I don't know what you have to be stressed about." Really I thought to myself. I bit my tongue because if I'd fired back what I have to be stressed about it probably wouldn't have turned out so well. Stress...well where should I start? First and foremost my husband is deployed to a war zone and I don't hardly have any communication with him. On top of that he won't be stateside until August and won't be home until November. No stress there, right? Then we are trying to plan a vacation to Hawaii for his block leave. Plane tickets now are a mere $700 but can't purchase them now due to the army's way of deciding things. Plane tickets and hotel reservations will have to be a last minute purchase...maybe we'll end up getting a great last minute deal but I won't hold my breath. No stress there either, right? Now let's discuss my job. In my department there is me, one other lady and our boss. My not so friendly coworker is a 59 year old never been married extremely stuck in her ways woman. I can't even begin to explain to you the number of complaints I get to hear a day from other regarding anything from the color of her pen to something she over heard that she thinks was directed negatively at her. My boss is so hot and cold you never know what you're going to get from her. One day is nothing but singing your praises to the next you feel like you're such a terrible worker you're going to get fired. And that's just my department! And did I mention I work in Human Resources so all I deal with are problems from our 800 employees. No stress at work either, right? Then there's both my grandparents dying in the first two months are 2010, my niece being a pain in the butt 14 year old who gets caught drinking at school. And even though neither one of my parents mean to vent their stress to me I usually end up catching the brunt of it. Then there's the 20 teenage girls that I coach...drama city! I can't imagine why I seem so stressed out and mad at the world all the time can you?

Fever blisters...if you've never had to experience theses horrendous things be very grateful. I only get them when my lips get burnt from the sun. Thank goodness they aren't stress related! Last weekend I sat outside for several hours watching a couple softball games...well low and behold I got burnt! When I woke up Wednesday morning I thought I had Mt. Saint Helens sitting on my lip. Go away please!!!!!

Hope your week has been smooth sailing compared to mine...

Saturday, March 6, 2010

100 miles

I finally hit the 100 mile marker for 2010. I know I'm about 77 miles off pace to reach my goal of 1000 miles in 2010 but I'm excited to meet this first mile stone. I'm cutting myself a break for being so far behind because my grandma died in January, my husband was home for just a little over two weeks, and then my granddad died in February. So considering everything that has happened in the first two months I'm going to pat myself on the back for reaching 100 miles. I'm hoping to make up the gap a lot this month.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Computer Problems

More computer problems...I'm going to blame the viruses I've been getting on facebook. The only websites I really go to at home our this one and facebook. I think I just might give up facebook for a while. I don't really use it so there's really no point on going to the webpage. So goodbye facebook, well at least until I can't live without you any more. It's probably a good thing I haven't had access to my blog because there would have been a lot of venting and I know everyone has problems in their lives and don't want to hear all about mine, but I'm sure it'll come up again. So you're not missing out on anything.

Looks like I won't be hearing from my hubby for a while. Their satellite phone is broke once again and they are only allowed to use the internet twice a month. Really? Who makes up these rules??? We hit our 200 day mark yesterday! I cannot believe it's already been that long. We also found out we will actually be living together in November. I can't wait to say goodbye to Fort Bragg for good and hello Fort Campbell! I'm hoping to talk him into shipping overseas the next reenlistment but he's not in agreement. I've got 5 years to change his mind!

5 weeks left of training for my mini...it's time to buckle down and get serious!